We all have them, some of us are aware and some are clueless but a fake friend is a dime a dozen.
So what is friendship?
Lets ask Google, the new gospel for definitions.
So according to the long list of options I won't bore you with, anyone can be considered a friend and anything a friendship which is in fact correct, if you think about it.
Every friendship comes with the fine print of *conditions apply*. So what is the real purpose of a friendship anyway, but to satisfy a need? The moment that need is gone, the friendship is 'gone with the wind'.
In my attempt at being objective, I will say some friendships have lasted for years and if the dead could speak maybe even an eternity but the truth remains however that the fuel that keeps the fire going in a friendship is an everlasting need. The need or needs can evolve but it must remain a need for the friendship to last. This does not mean a person is taking advantage of a situation for a friendship to be sustained but for those who have been burned by so called friends, the reality is that some friendships are not real and people can and will abuse a friendship if allowed.
I am no voice of reason on the matter but what better teacher is there than experience. It is actually pretty easy to find out if your friendships are real or fake. The biggest indicator of a real friendship is one where mutual needs are being met. Well, you could argue that the same applies to fake-ships but for different reasons. So how can you tell the difference?
1. Out of Touch
Real: When you haven't seen or heard from a friend in a long time (long is relative but I'm talking like months or even years), the moment you guys get in touch, it feels like only yesterday since you last heard from them.
There are lots of stuff to catch up on and the openness and concern on both sides is refreshing. It feels like old times and you just pick up from where you left things.
Time and distance has no meaning. There is this quiet feeling of "I forgive you bitch for being away so long" without saying a word. Is bitch too strong a word? Lol
Fake: The reasons for not being in touch so long could put you on the fake side of things when your friend has no valid reason for being away so long, but what are valid reasons anyway?
Then there are those so called friends that stay away, but lurk in the shadows of your life watching your every move. Kind of like social media ghosts who check out every photo and video you post but never clicks the like button. I guess its fair to say we have all been guilty of not clicking the like button when we know we should.
Fake friends are up to date on everything thats going on with you. They either ghost you on social to know what's up or rely on the good ole gossip vine where your other fake friends are nesting. You will hear from them every now and then as they circle back to get fresh intel or to clarify something they have seen or heard.
2. Emotional State
Real: A true friend will carry the burden of your emotions. Even if it annoys them that you refuse to see that the boy ain't worth your time or energy, that friend will sit with you, laugh at your repetitive stories and shed tears with you when you break down during a painful memory. Now I'm not saying if you don't shed a tear you are a bad friend but when someone that you really care about is hurting, it moves you in some way...sometimes.
Other times it is just annoying and you are tempted to hit them up the side of the head and be like "have some sense girl!"
A real friend not only shares your emotions but they try to change your emotional state to a better one. They will goof around or even mock your anger and say mean stuff about the monster that is bothering you. Anything to get a laugh or to distract you from the pain.
Sounds simple right? Well its not.
Fake: Nothing is more painful than watching a fake friend trying to 'fix' you. All they do is mirror your actions and words as if they think you forgot what you said a minute ago. Its so annoying. They make you forget for a minute how sad you are, because now you are so angry at their fakeness.
One time I watched this B (ye, B is short for bitch in this instance. I think it screams at you when if I type it too often). So ye, this B was doing her best to mask her fakeness but the look on her face was classic! She had her eyes rolled up to one corner while she patted me on the shoulder and mumbled some BS. I turned to her laughing and said "stop that". She was like "stop that, oh I mean stop what?" She was caught repeating my every word without an ounce of meaning behind it.
Some of these fakes are vicious. They will deliberately put you in a bad mood because you being happy bugs them. Some people just like to see you down and out. It makes them feel superior I guess. If you see these signs in someone you believe is a friend, just know you got it wrong.
I had a friend rile me up on some minor crap to the point where I almost did something stupid like slap another B. Luckily my cowardice won out cause she kept pushing my back to get up and go do something and I kept sinking my heels into the ground like "nope that's not necessary".
These days, don't test me though. I've seen and had enough and this short fuse will blow in a minute. Who am I kidding? After all I am a mature woman who chooses her battles well and the battles won are the ones not fought. Fighting me is like fighting the wind honey.
3. Level of Support
Real: This is your ride or die friend who will bail you out (even out of jail if they have to) of a situation whether by moral or financial support. Friends like these you should try to not abuse, as they are loyal to a fault and will do almost anything for you.
Real recognizes real in these cases. Two people can easily form a bond because they share similar traits in kindness and compassion. Their display of kindness comes in many forms and its a joy to have a friend like that because you can rest assured they got your back. Nothing is 100% but you get my point.
Fake: Then there are those fake friends who support you in a 'tit for tat' type of way which is; I do for me only if you do for me. These are the type of people who are always on the side of needing your help. These types of friendships always fail when you are in a crisis. Its always in those do or die moments that you find out who your true friends are. More often than not you are left holding the bag in a sticky situation. There is always some excuse of why they can't be wherever or do whatever for you but they always expect you to provide your full support when they need it.
4. Forgiveness
This is a tricky one. I am one to forgive but struggle to forget. Well there is really no struggle lol, I actually choose to remember and for valid reasons. I believe forgetfulness is what often gets us in trouble. I'm sure you've all been there where if you had only remembered that one time...you wouldn't be caught with feelings of Deja Vu as you watch yourself play the sucker once again in a familiar situation.
Part of the life blood of friendship is forgiveness. Without it, the friendship whither and dies. We are not perfect so we are bound to repeatedly step on each other's toes. So forgiveness is a big factor for keeping things together.
Now there are some things that may be be deemed unforgivable in a friendship but that's for another post.
Real: The bible says we are to forgive 70 x 7 times. That equals 490 times at minimum. Seeing that number doesn't seem so bad, at least its not 49,000. Then you think of how many days in a year; so if you wronged me every day for a year, I could forgive you with plenty to spare. Therefore the demands of a genuine friendship include you forgiving someone often enough to keep Jesus smiling. I'm not sure if the forgive and forget thing has to be a combo but if I'm to forget as well, we better cut that 490 times in half.
Being a true friend in the realm of forgiveness is hard. I have to nurse your flaws, lick my own wounds when you inflict them and live in perpetual torture of the memory of what you did to me. So I guess that's how much I should love you and our friendship for this to be real. Sounds tough but that is what is expected from a real friendship.
Fake: A fake friend is doing none of the above inwardly, while displaying fake acts of forgiveness. In this case its hard to know if a friend truly forgave you but here are some not so obvious clues that they haven't let it go:
1. They always bring up the wrong you did then laugh it off. That's them raking you over the coals once more in case you forgot.
2. They make demands of you that they know you would never agree to, had you not done them wrong.
3. They use the wrong you did as an example in some hypothetical story, like "If I was in Tom's shoes, I would never have entertained her giving me that lap dance at my birthday party. Worse in that ugly green skirt" The story then becomes eerily familiar as it was you giving away free lap dances in the ugly green skirt during a game of musical chairs at her birthday party. That one is a little extreme but you get my point.
4. They return the favour by repeating your wrongs against you with a look of 'I dare you to complain'.
Conclusion
Friendships and fake-ships traverse the same ocean and dock upon the same shores. Some of us become the best of friends when are the most fake. The hard cold truth is that its truly hard to prove who your friends are outside of them being tested.
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