If you're like me there are some things that people do in public that get under your skin!
Unless you are a Neanderthal or someone from another dimension, there is no real reason to be told how to behave in public places right? WRONG.
In writing this post, I found myself with a collection of nuisances that I've repeatedly observed, some of which I may even be guilty of but c'mon! These things are straight up annoying and its like an epidemic of stuff that some of us spontaneously act out. I have pet peeves on the following so here's some friendly advice on how to do better especially when I'm around.
@ the movies
Quit crunching them nachos during the 'silent scenes'. Here we are clinging to the edge of our seats during a suspenseful scene, holding our breath (except you), wondering if we will even live to tell what happens next. The suspense is so thick that even the creepy background music goes off and we are left in deafening silence.
Then comes that loud CRUNCH towards the back of my right ear. Yes its always some jerk sitting behind you and to the left or right of you too which is even worse. You just had to eat that chip in THIS moment huh? Not when the cars sped, or the when guns blazed busting our eardrums, but right now in the still of the moment. Every time this happens I wonder if I'm the only one fuming.
At the movies you will hear the typical outbursts to some scenes but there is never anyone to shout "Hey quit with all that crunching!". What bugs me the most about it, is that I am literally startled by the sound as it breaks the silence. Anything could have happened in that scene to give me a minor heart attack but nah it had to be your mouth chowing down on some chips.
That annoying crunch always make me reflect on how pathetic I am to pay to be locked in a black box, watching a movie with strangers. Some experience. Yet, this is how filmmakers get their cut.
I have to sit here and endure the smelly popcorn (is it me or does popcorn smell like farts when you are not the one eating it?); the ripping of annoying wrappers and that 'get under my skin and on top of my nerves crunching of nacho chips' and don't get me started on those nasty slurps when you refuse to accept that the drink is finished, UGH.
So next time, if you have any morsel of dignity left, do resist the urge to stuff your face the moment time stands still in a suspenseful 'silent' scene and allow the rest of us to hear that pin drop. Watching a movie with strangers is bad enough. Can I get my money's worth please or are you too hungry to care?
@ the supermarket
Quit asking me for a cut in the line. So what you only got one item? Its not my fault you committed to making your little purchase even though you saw how choke full the cashier lines were when you entered.
Here I am balancing a baby on the hip, rummaging through my tote for my purse, while kneeing my crammed cart forward in this snail pace of a line. Now I am confronted with morality issues as I will not only look mean for shunning you, but also a bad mother who doesn't deserve to raise a man in this society if I tell you no.
The burden is always on us, the ones carrying the load, literally. I don't hear anyone saying "Hey ma'am you look tired, come cash out before I do".
Ma'am would be right with my tired looking ass. So much for preaching how I am forever 21 when I deliberately leave the house in my 'IDGAF dress' and expect to be seen as some hottie.
Who goes to the supermarket for a handful of items anyway? That's like going inside the bank to join that snake of a line to withdraw a few dollars instead of using an ATM.
My cart is always full. People even cringe at the thought of joining my line. Some even leave their carts in line while they physically stand in another line they believe will move faster. So imagine how deflated I must feel when you come with your silly grin begging for a cut. Do you not ever notice the rolling of my eyes and the audible sigh of disgust while I say yes with my teeth closed?
Whenever you hear me say "sure no prob" I am actually seething and my eyes burn from the scourging of boiling blood. I would have much rather you said, "hey, you dropped a 100".
After spending way too long in this place I now have to give up precious minutes to accommodate you who just waltzed in for a pack of tampons. Didn't you care for a snicker or some gum as well? I guess you are a woman who just knows what she wants and is not easily tempted by the shelves of goodies shielding the cashier's face. Who falls for that anyway right?
Every yes is a lie you hear me! Why would I want to be cut in line when I finally made it to the front? Why not ask me, when I was further behind. That would've been more tolerable and rather considerate of you even; seeing you've barely spent a minute in here. Also I'm the big spender here, why should you get the perks of leaving early?
@ the beach
Quit showing off body parts that should only be seen with the lights off. I'm no drop dead gorgeous beach bod but I do wear flattering attire to accentuate my best features seeing we are all just sporting undies we call swimwear.
Why am I able to tell you that you haven't shaved since the Stone Age? Mark you, I've been guilty of sporting a little untimely 'bush' every now and then in some spontaneous moments but its never a 'planned' thing. Why would you deliberately set out on your journey to the beach without doing the 'home test' first?
I always try on at least five bikinis when heading to any place that has a beach or pool. Each pair must coordinate well and cover the right body parts. I even consider the intensity of any beach activity to determine which suit is best. So imagine my horror after doing all that work to be "appropriate" to then have my eyes assaulted and my memory etched with your indecent exposure.
No one is perfect and our little imperfections help add character. Well that 'add character' part is better suited for a house flip on HGTV. I honestly don't believe my 'flaws' add any character. They might be adding a little creativity as I devise new ways of hiding them.
Its understandable that a beach is littered with a few sour balls among the eye candies so I can forgive a man or woman who clearly showed some effort in appropriating their attire but failed; but for those who shamelessly flaunt those unsightly parts I am going extreme on this one.
Why is one of your labia on display? Do you not feel the hint of salty breeze against your 'va jay jay'? Are you unaware that your butt has eaten one side of your swimsuit?
Hey mister, do you not feel the sand coating that one lazy sac that is sunbathing below the length of your swim trunks?
Hey you! Quit flexing your beer belly and spitting your shitty pick up lines. You're blocking my sun.
Listen ladies and gents, while we are all guilty of a little wardrobe malfunction at beach, let us be mindful to not disrupt the ocean view.
@ the gym
Quit hogging the machines. Now where do I start? My memory is a little fuzzy. If gyms still operate the way they did when I used to go, then this annoyance is still at large.
Apparently there is an unwritten rule somewhere that when you use a machine more than once, its yours every time you show up at the gym. Kind of like that office parking space without your name on it and the offense taken if you drive in to find Debbie all up in your spot. It takes months, even years to claim an unmarked parking spot as your own but I doubt the same applies at the gym.
A gym is a mass of sweaty stinky bodies constantly in motion to sculpt an ideal frame that can be put on display for 'likes'. For this reason the ratio of bodies to machines is unequal. The short supply results in the general rule of first come first serve but there are some that believe otherwise.
So why do I need to use the machine next to this one? Are you the owner sir? Did you bring your personal stair climber to the gym just for keeps? Is the gym owner your daddy?
There is a type of specie (wow is my spell check on? That word looks really weird in singular form, should I just add the s?) that believes their gym membership buys them exclusive rights to any machine of their choice and said machine can be programmed to their BMI and personal preferences and must be left in that state until they die of natural causes or ditch their membership.
Being asked to change a machine when you've just warmed up is so annoying. Does it happen often enough for me to file a formal complaint? I must really look like a push over with my scrawny legs and arms.
Yes I frequent the gym once a month on a good month but who gave you the right to claim this machine as your own? So you just leave your house, show up here and toss me from the machine because you use this specific one on the daily?
The bums (pun intended) that lay claim to public property (well all access membership property) are always those who got no day job and whose needs of going to the gym have long expired. There is no need for you to be out here looking that good, raking coals over my self esteem. Is it the wall to floor mirrors that got you feeling yourself so much, that you can't get the memo that you've reached your target? Or is your goal a moving target? Are you rewarded with free meals for your washer board abs and toned arms?
The thing with these 'machine hogs' is that they have programmed the machines to their liking and expect it to remain so, infinitely. I remember using a machine once without changing the setting and my calves cried murder. It seemed the 'owner' was watching from a distance because he grabbed my arm when I reached over to change the controller and said "hey lady, don't touch that. This is my machine." Your machine? Really? Show me the paperwork. Of course I got off the machine and relinquished my power. What battle was I to fight anyway? One that would continue in a month or two if I returned? Sigh.
While I admire your strength and tenacity you gym junkies, please show a little compassion to newbies and infrequent members who are also trying to get that ideal bod. Sharing is caring and it should take less effort when its not your stuff.
@ the drive thru
Quit ordering the whole menu and go inside. Let's see. How do I say all this without giving away free promo to these fast food joints? Hell, like I got the readership to create a spike in their sales anyway.
Picture me, making my way up to the back of the drive thru line. I can clearly see that there are only 3 people in line on the inside but like the 20 drivers in front, I choose to be trapped inside the drive thru. My love of convenience trumps losing years off my life for I shall be in this thing for no less than an hour.
As humans we love to herd and mimic each other and such. This means most of what we complain about, we might actually be guilty of doing but there are some exceptional things that drive me up the wall.
The drive thru was designed to be a quick service for drivers on the go, not for the 'all I do is eat, so I'm gonna take my time' type of drivers.
The original intent of fast service via the drive thru is long gone and I blame the suckers who never know what they want, even though they know the menu by heart. The same goes for those who take more orders from friends than the pizza guy and then struggle to place all the orders inside the drive thru. I am often the unlucky one to get stuck behind these numb skulls. The meals are numbered for a reason! Unless you want something special done to your meal, quit yelling out the ingredients and just state the number. What's with the yelling anyway? Its a microphone. Its meant to project our ordinary voice in higher decibels.
Now you finally get to the cashier window and you are just now digging for cash? C'MON. Its time for pickup (another half hour of my life wasted, waiting for you to get the dozen meals) and you decide to comb through every bag to ensure you got the correct stuff. Yeah these people are not machines but more often than not you are guaranteed to get the right order. Its like counting the money you receive from the ATM, is the amount ever wrong? Well I will be counting my money at the ATM every time, I don't play with my money.
Ok, now go! You got all 12 meals. Drive away, feed me dust, leave! Its been an hour since you entered the drive thru and now you're hungry. Now I must watch you catch a mouthful of fries before you drive off. Be gone already!
My take is this. If you have more than 2 orders to put through, please go on the inside and place your orders like a civil human being. If you are unsure of what you want, please go inside. If you see a shorter line on the inside, make the drive thru a better experience for the rest of us lazy people by parking your car and going inside. Its better for the environment anyway. Thank you.
@ the traffic light
Quit lingering, green means go. Do you find it annoying when the guy (yes I am stereotyping) at the front of the line refuses to go when the light turns green? Please note this is the same guy that rushes to get through on amber before the next light turns red.
How is is, that you only remember your phone being stuck in your pocket when the light turns green? Do you really have to read that incoming text now?
I don't know, maybe there is something that mesmerizes a person when they find themselves at the front of the line, facing the traffic lights. Who knows maybe its a little intimidating to be the first to put your nose out there, when the light turns green. Is it even safe? Better to move at a snail's pace and then build up momentum right? If so, why were you speeding to beat the amber light a few chains back? Now you wanna play it safe. Well it doesn't get any safer than the light being green. It means its officially your turn to go.
Like domino effect, the sluggish behaviour of the driver in front becomes contagious and the next three drivers behind become infected as they too move gingerly through the green light. Many times I sit and watch this nuisance through four light changes. By the time I make it close to the front there is steam blowing out my ears.
Another late morning and these lights and slow reflex drivers will not serve as a valid excuse to my boss.
There is an unspoken three second grace period that is allotted to the driver at the front and only them. The rest of you better be pedal to the floor after that.
So I'm driving along and now I am caught at the front of the line on red. Now what? You watch and see how fast I am going to make it through when this light turns green.
Wait my earphones fell out. Shit.
The brain moves at lightning speed to make a decision. Do I wait to pick them up or do I make a quick bend and grab them? I will need them to talk when the good old phone call comes in and it would be worse trying to get them while I am in motion. Safety first right?
Then again I could pull over after going through the light. No! What was the point of being first in line to then give it up by pulling over. Ugh! Decisions, decisions. So I do the next best thing and get my earphones first before moving off on the green.
Apparently this took more than three seconds because all I heard was horns blaring. The wind picked up a few curse words and blew them into my car. I just put my earphones in and slowly moved through on green like everybody else.
I guess it happens to the best of us.
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