If you've been dumped like I have, going through a break up might be one of the hardest things you will ever face. There are feelings of inadequacy and it can overwhelm you, if you let it. Don't worry you will soon get to the place where you are the one doing the dumping and I will help you get there.
Being dumped quickly gets you to a once bitten twice shy type of feeling and for that reason most of us never forget our first breakup.
You might be feeling depressed or even embarrassed but all hope is not lost. I hope you did not get excited just now at the thought of your ex coming back to you. If you did, I will address that later on.
You are in the right place. I am going to share with you 10 easy ways to get over a breakup. It may take some time for you to feel like yourself again but doing these things will make the journey to healing your broken heart much easier.
1. Stop Calling and Texting
This is the biggest and most common mistake people make when going through a breakup. We just don't get it.
News flash, you cannot call or text your way back into your ex's heart. When someone breaks up with you, hearing from you is the last thing they want, especially when the breakup is recent. On the flip side your wound is fresh and the separation is hard to handle but reaching out only makes it worse. Being needy and heartbroken is not a good look.
Calling and texting in the early stages of the breakup actually hurts your chances of winning them back.
Becoming overbearing by calling and texting often, could cause your ex to resent you. Wanna know if you're calling or texting too often? Great, the answer is ONCE. If you called or texted right after the breakup its one time too many.
When the breakup is fresh, you must resist the urge to contact your ex.
Do not drunk dial them to talk about random stuff as a way to maintain contact. They will see right through your armor. It will be pretty obvious the real reason you are reaching out. If you're doing this please stop. Look at it this way, if their house is on fire, let it burn. Trust me they would rather hear it from someone else.
When you call or text your ex, you run the risk of them ignoring you and this magnifies your pain. This should be expected when the breakup is fairly recent. Who wants to face the awkwardness of dealing with the person they just dumped?
You may feel that calling and texting often will ensure they remember you and maybe remember the love they had for you. While not impossible, at the beginning stage of the breakup, this is highly unlikely, so give it a rest.
Breakups can be complex and your ex may have broken up with you to find out if being with you is what they truly want. Yes, it sounds weird but it could be a trial run. Another reason could be that they want space and they know you won't grant them the space they need and yet another reason could be that they are done for good and want to sever ties with you. While some of the reasons sound hopeful the hard cold truth could be they are done for good.
Next time you feel the urge to call or text your ex, contact someone else instead. If you are finding it too hard to resist, just delete their number from your phone. Getting the number out your head is another matter but try as best as you can to leave them alone, the way they have. Get it?
Another method could be to save their number as "Stupid Me". When that pops up it should remind you of the stupid move you are about to make when choosing to reach out. If you get past the reminder and decide to call your ex, hopefully the call doesn't get past the first ring before you to realize the stupidity of your clingy and nagging ways. If they wanted to see or hear from you they wouldn't have left.
2. Stay Busy
Unfortunately when you have been dumped, being dumped is all you ever think about. Your thoughts are fixated on the loss. You spend your time wondering where you went wrong and what to do about it.
The only thing you should be trying to do after being dumped, is to stay busy. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off the breakup. Go hang out with the long lost friends you abandoned while you were focused on your relationship. Immerse yourself in your work, take up gardening if that suits you, rearrange all the furniture in your house every two hours, just stay busy.
The point is to do activities that take your focus away from your ex. Although these actions provide temporary relief, it gives you the well needed break to ease the pain, as you will feel less hurt in the moments you are not thinking about your ex. The memories do come flooding back when you sit doing nothing. When that happens, get up and get busy. If you're too tired go take a nap. Your dreams will be more pleasant than the reality of being dumped.
Being in a relationship takes up a lot of your time and energy and not being in one frees you up to explore new things. Take advantage of this new found freedom. Try your hand at a new hobby. Doing something you enjoy will release endorphins that will make you feel better. The aim is to avoid the sad gloomy feelings that persist with relishing the memory of your ex. Stay active and distracted until the thought of being dumped gets easier to tolerate.
3. Immerse yourself in Company
Being alone is sometimes not good, during a fresh breakup. You will need support from friends and family to take your mind off the pain. Although being around people may be the last thing you want during this time, it is best to keep family and friends close. Their love and concern should ease your pain a little and help take your mind off your ex. They love you and will do their best to keep you busy and engaged.
4. Let it Out
If you believe yourself to be a tough cookie who hides their emotions well, you best find a way to let those emotions out. Cry when you feel like it. Cry enough tears to fill a bathtub or go scream in a crowded or silent place if you have to, even if it makes you look crazy.
Do not keep your emotions bottled up.
The body will find ways to expel the emotional stress and not always in a good way. Like a pressure cooker your top will be blown.
Having said that, I know you don't want to become a crazy person who has lost their mind, so please manage your emotions. Express your feelings in a healthy way. Find someone to confide in. Talking about the problem help. If all else fails, go ahead and curl up in a fetal position and cry your eyes out if. Just let it out. The more you cry, the more you will realize it does help to release the stress and tension.
One thing you must never do, is let those emotions and feelings out to your ex.
If they cared they would not have put you in such a state. Your ex's shoulder is the last one you want to be crying on during a breakup. The pity party will not work to bring them back, so let it out elsewhere and to someone else.
5. Take a Trip
Get away from it all for a while. Sometimes it is hard to heal in the place where the breakup happened. All the familiar places that you have frequented with your ex can also make the breakup unbearable as your memories are constantly triggered by each location.
Plan a trip where you get away alone or with friends. On the trip BE PRESENT. Have fun and take your mind off all the negative emotions and be good to you. Enjoy yourself. Get some well needed pampering as well. You could make it a weekend trip or longer if required. Engage in activities that improve your wellbeing. You will feel rejuvenated which will help you get over your breakup even faster.
6. Get a Makeover
I don't know any woman who doesn't feel a pinch better when she is looking good. A makeover should give your self esteem a well needed boost. Nothing is wrong with you. Its not you it them so getting a makeover is not to make them think better of you. Its always about the temporary thrill of looking and feeling good, especially if you have been neglectful of self care since the breakup.
When you are looking good, you tend to feel better about yourself. Go get that 'revenge body' you always wanted. Brush up on all the weak areas and start looking your best. Let your ex see you looking better than they left you but again its not trying to manipulate them to get back with you. If that strategy works to get him back, it will not last to keep him.
Enjoy the process of getting the makeover. You could change your hair, start exercising or simply go get some pampering at the spa and get your hair and makeup professionally done for a photoshoot. Get a new wardrobe too if you feel like it. Anything that takes your mind off your ex if even for a second is a good thing.
7. Start Dating Again
I get it, you are not in the mood to start dating especially if the breakup happened recently but casually dating could be the medicine you need. Dating can be fun when done right. You may have become rusty to the dating process given how long you were with your ex so putting yourself out there is a good way to get back on track. This process is inevitable if your ex does not want you back, so you might as well get started. Here are a few dating secrets of my own.
The aim is to make yourself available. Indulge people casually. Exchange numbers with other guys and enjoy conversations and go out a few times. Dating could be the well deserved distraction you need, to help keep your mind off your ex. There will be times, when the actions of others remind you of your ex but push past the feeling. The people you might date are dynamic and if they don't turn out to be the one, they would have taught you something or entertained you enough during the process. You may even find someone who makes you forget your ex even existed. If you don't date, you will never know.
Explore the many options of dating. Maybe online dating is right for you. The pool is wider so you can mix and match your options. Check out my ebook on how to date online like a pro. Learn strategies that will improve your online dating experience and help you secure an ideal partner.
A good way to let your ex know you are not curled up in a ball waiting to die, is to find a way to let them know you are dating other people and yes, do this even if you want them back. If your ex still has feelings for you, they should feel a pinch of jealousy but don't get your hopes up. Do not overdo it.
Flaunting the person you are dating, could push your ex away forever, so find the balance.
The point is to not have your ex thinking you are desperately waiting for their return.
8. Don't Stalk Your Ex on Social Media
If you haven't done so already, unfollow them on all their social media accounts. It will be hard for you to see them moving on with their life and it will cement the fact that they are truly gone. Ignorance is bliss. Stay in the dark for your own peace of mind. The more you see and know, the more irritated you will become and that is bad for your healing.
Some persons have been guilty of reaching out to their ex via social media in hopes that they will respond. If they are not responding to your calls or texts why would they choose to respond to your DMs. That mode of communication is actually easier to ignore.
Do not tag them in your photos and definitely don't post pictures of the both of you with the caption "throwback", "MCM", "WCW" or "Remember when". One reason the breakup is so hard to deal with, is the fact that you want your ex back. Doing silly stuff hurts your chances of ever getting them back.
Do not put yourself in a sucker position where your desperation has you doing crazy stuff.
Leave well alone. Focus on yourself. Value yourself over your ex. Do what needs to be done to get yourself in a better place mentally and emotionally. You are no good to your ex or anyone else, if you are not in a healthy state of mind. Stalking your ex on social media is a big sign that you are not in a healthy state of mind and it could make your ex believe they made the right choice about leaving you.
9. Do Not Confront the New Beau
If your ex has left you for someone else, or quickly entered a new relationship after leaving you, do not confront the new person. You may think its their fault that your ex has left you but ultimately it was your ex's decision to split. The blame is all theirs. We are not mules that people just lead out to the brook and force them to drink. Conscious decisions are made.
Do not be the crazy ex starting drama.
Think about it, has drama and mayhem ever got you what you want? You cannot intimidate your ex to come back to you. The more dramatic you become about the breakup, the more cemented the breakup becomes. Pull back and place your focus on other things.
If you confront your ex's new beau in a negative way, you raise the level of importance of that person. Sometimes people breakup up and quickly enter a new relationship because they hate being alone. If your ex made the jump prematurely, they could still be thinking about you and missing you. If they are in this state while you act all jealous about the person they are seeing, they could start believing that maybe the new person is better than you, which would be far from the truth. Your attitude however will give that impression. You could then have your ex trying hard to make the new situation work because you are somehow seeing value they were struggling to see. Don't help your ex decide that someone is better than you.
10. Write Down All the Things You Dislike About Your Ex
Surprisingly when you are going through a breakup, all you see is the good you have lost. You look past the fact that your ex pulled the rug from under you and you sit reminiscing about all the good times you have had.
Wake up and smell the coffee you got dumped. This means your ex is not as sweet as you are making them out to be.
When you love someone, the love does not disappear when they do, so yes it will be hard to get over them but the reality is that, they viewed you less than worthy and dumped you. Face the truth and it should help you heal a little faster.
To help yourself get over your ex, keep reminding yourself of all the bad they have done. Stay connected to the truth. Get your head out of the clouds, come down to earth and face reality.
Write down all the cons of being with your ex. Also write down all the wrongs you can remember. Assess yourself and be honest. If you were not madly in love with this person, are they someone you would want to be with?
Sometimes a good reflection will help you see that you are better off without the person. They may have done you a favor by leaving, so don't fight it. If you are to be together the stars will align once more and make it so.
For your own sanity, try and see things for what they are. They left you and do not want to be with you. Your wanting to be with them doesn't change that fact in any way. You can't make people do things they don't want to do. Even at gunpoint some people will not comply, so your weak attempts at shifting the mind of your ex could be futile.
Be your authentic self and try to move on with your life. If your ex wants you back and starts showing it in time, as you will not be sitting there waiting forever; then you can pursue that path. Who knows, you may not want them back if they do decide to come back.
The emotions you experience during a breakup, not only purge you, they open your eyes and can lead to a new outlook on life. You might begin to pursue paths that have no room for your ex or it could put you in a better place to restore your broken relationship.
Hanging on for dear life could be you blocking your own blessing in other areas or hurt your chances of reconciliation.
If time changes nothing for you and you want your ex back, you are not doomed. Stay connected to my blog by subscribing so you can get updates on new and related posts.
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